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I have come to the conclusion that I love
you too much
My feelings are so intense it is painful
Like your pomegranate seeds it's so good it's
bittersweet
I'm not sure if I can take it anymore
There are moments when my yearning is positively
reptilian
It is lurking, creeping, devouring
Carnivorous but perspicacious
Reaching back; antediluvian, anterior, archaic
The first sex
The splitting cell
The enigmatic spark
The spirit in the muck
The four elements indistinguishable
The mystery in the quark
The first flash of the big bang
The word preexistent
My dear,
I am exhausted by this outburst
Do I make myself clear?
I am just a man
How can something so right be wrong?'
To run from you would be to turn from the
face of God
To deny the goals of nature and betray the
purpose of existence
Destiny reveals itself in the dark vacuum
of space
It moves up from macrocosm to microcosm
To reemerge in the empty depths of the quantum
I do know you
Shall I call your name?
***** *********
Are you there?
But warning;
The mediocre call out for our dissolution
It is the chant of the living dead
How can something so right be wrong?'
Our live shines so brightly it burns the retina
of the uninitiated
Like Plato's cave they see shadows and believe
them to be reality
Our love is a mirror mocking the inhibited,
halfhearted passions of the sleepwalkers
Let them reach for the snooze button
But be careful for they may stone us
Hanging over the edge of the highest skyscraper
Humanity; I will rage
Howling at night
The blood on the turkey's neck the night before
the Christmas feast
Too serious?
I beg them to dare me
In defiance I feel love eternal
But what about you?
Are you frightened yet?
Just twenty-one years old
The female atlas as a womb receiving the totality
of life's bounty with sonic force
Perhaps one day
With the speed of light
The blood clots will thicken and metamorphose
Into the image of God with the likeness of
you and I
Will you lie down in creative martyrdom to
his will?
There is a safe spot in your room where you
can hide
Lock the door tightly
Take the phone off the hook
Close your eyes with all your might
Perhaps the universe will spontaneously combust
And you will never smell the ash
As it seeps in under your bedroom door
Perhaps you will put your 'Tommy' tape in
the deck
And turn the volume knob up to ten
Open a half-baked book of mysticism and immerse
yourself for a thousand years
Speak as fast as you can!
Use the biggest words!
Make them gargantuan, monstrous, excrescent
Let a wall of syllables shield you from my
intentions
Preach, banter, bicker, bullshit high, wide,
and deep
Sing every single word that was ever written,
backwards and inside out
Let the vowels and consonants rain down from
the heavens and drown you
Bury the bone in Maya
You know that to follow the light at the end
of the tunnel before your time is a betrayal
of the Tao
So try opium, cocaine, heroin, orgies, S &
M, rape or violence
But it won't change anything
Because I am here
Lani used to tell me that I was Satan and
that I steal people's souls
And won't return them even after I no longer
have any use for them
You have looked into my eyes
You have kissed me
So I leave you to answer this question for
yourself
You once said we were together in another
life
I know nothing of the transmigration of souls
(do I?)
A rational mind will admit that it is unable
to be proved or disproved
But reincarnation or not
Our karma is inextricably intertwined
Closing your eyes and ears
Hanging up the phone when the conversation
gets too intense
Even running off to a far away place will
not change that
As for myself?
I could easily return to the life I once lived
Close up my bared soul
Reside in that safe center of peace
And on the outside wear the dull face of every-man
Or I could continue to search in spite of
futility
Winking knowingly at God with each blundering
step made by myself and every living creature
Enjoying absurdity for it's own sake
Laughing away the loneliness as I have done
for the last five years
Some say that love is a sin
That those who seek God can never allow themselves
to truly love
This is the dichotomy which hides the answer
which creates the tension
That every fertility shrine on Earth honors
in awed mystery
It is the secret ingredient in creation
It is God's semen
So perhaps I acted too quickly
But you recall it was I who originally refrained
I did not realize where you were in life
That events would cause you to regress
Until now I dream at night that you are crawling
back into the womb
And I live a life I do not want
Mediocre things come easily
But extraordinary gifts come to those who
wait
Am I just a man?
The truth never resides on the surface
It is only perceived through the most complex
of conceptions
'How can something so right be wrong?'
I love you too much
But here I am
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